Interruption
Learning from Mary Oliver
“[...] Interruption comes not from another but from the self itself, or some other self within the self, that whistles and pounds upon the door panels and tosses itself, splashing, into the pond of meditation. And what does it have to say? That you must phone the dentist, that you are out of mustard, that your uncle Stanley’s birthday is two weeks hence. You react, of course. Then you return to your work, only to find that the imps of idea have fled back into the mist.”
– Mary Oliver, Upsteam: Selected Essays [from Mindfulbalance]
I understand interruptions! I understand distractions!
This has been me for the last few weeks.
Oh, there have been plenty of ideas, plenty of flash thoughts, but when it comes to focus, None!
For the last month, there has been some distraction. Hiring new personal care assistants (which is still in process), dealing with an automatic door that would not open on my van (which made it impossible to let the ramp down for my wheelchair to roll in), and playing with the 5-month-old puppy who is smart and going to be huge (which is pure joy)
Mary Oliver is right, “You react, of course.” But my simple list seems like normal life.
Writing is important to me, important to my health, to my well-being. So, to be a writer surrounded by the inevitable distractions of normal life, I can be frustrated to say the least!
When too many ideas fly back into the mist, it soon begins to feel like they are lost in a fog. A dense fog, the kind that rolls in over the Golden Gate Bridge, changing the brightness of a sunny morning into a cloudy, chilled afternoon. A mood-changing fog that tries to alter inspiration into frustration.
Wait - that worked! If I can fill a paragraph with descriptions of a fog that was supposed to limit my ability to write, then there is a chance I am making excuses.
I often forget that when I write, I'm writing for me. It doesn't mean that I don't want to share reflections and stories where others might connect. But instead of thinking about an audience, I must begin by going gently into this weary and distracted self and greet the thoughts spinning as they wait to be recognized and released.
I write this post in hopes of jolting my “writing” heart back into rhythm. It didn’t take much. Just a few minutes and simple words. Both of which required guilt-free attention and patience.
Thanks for indulging me. I can honestly say… You will hear from me again soon!!