Relationships like no other

Personal care attendants…

For the last 45+ years, I have had the opportunity to meet so many unique and giving people! Being disabled and living independently, I have had assistants in every part of my daily life. These people meet me as the sun rises, ready to get me up and start my day. Or as the sun sets, to help me prepare for a night's sleep. They have assisted me at work and play! We have traveled together, visited family together, and celebrated holidays.

Hiring someone feels both exciting and produces anxiety. Hiring someone new almost always means that I'm saying goodbye to a person who has assisted me through some time in my life. There is a sense of loss and always gratitude.

Welcoming a new assistant requires energy. It takes time to train someone. It takes time to get to know each other well enough to comfortably work together in a day supporting each other through very personal work.

It is that time again.

I have begun looking to hire a new personal care assistant. While writing a current job description, I was reminded of a story of one personal care assistant as she began her first day with me.

It is a story I will never forget!

What did these things have in common?

a bowl of cereal,

a new personal care assistant,

a stack of notebooks filled with bills and correspondence

They were all in the right place at the wrong time.

Too early in the day to have gathered my defenses, I sat wide-eyed and speechless as a bowl filled with milk and cereal slipped out of my new assistant’s hand only to land upside down on an ordered stack of paperwork and notebooks. It was a moment when patience and the desire to be in control were challenged beyond means.

I spend a lot of energy creating ‘systems’ that keep the details of my daily life, both items and routines, accessible to me and the people who assist me. When someone has worked with me for a while, these systems become familiar, reducing the time to give directions or search for things. It all appears logical and routine… until a new person is added to the team.

Certainly, the one most challenged is the new assistant. Already on the spot, it is easy to see the anxiety rise as new tasks are introduced.

At least, that is what I always try to say to myself. So many details in life are not in our control. If I focused on this fact too long, a wave named ‘overwhelmed’ could quickly wash over me.

So, on a day such as this, I sit in my beautiful and organized home, taking deeper breaths to settle my nerves. My job? I reassure my assistant who is cleaning up the breakfast spill one soggy piece of paper at a time - all will be well.

Things happen! Too many serious moments will occur. Learning to get past spilt milk is often the most important lesson on day one.

A good note to self as I finish writing the new job description for my next Personal Care Assistant.