several friends have recently had to say ‘goodbye’ to their companions — their dogs. from old age to illness the stories are personal and heart-felt. i share this blog-entry as a tribute to all of the people i know (and do not know) who are feeling the absence of such warm and unconditional love.
You cannot learn about Love, love appears on the wings of grace. Rumi
These words ring true as I settle to rest tonight. Grace has surrounded me all this week. Action taken with love intended is filled with risk and some self-guessing until one can look back and feel a sense of peace.
Lilly’s week has been good. In return my week has had more moments of relief and comfort. Even though I had been considering what would be best for Lilly and myself, when a decision began to form, it felt like time moved at a hurried pace. Sometimes the things we have the most control over can feel completely out of control when movement begins.
Last Sunday certainly had that feeling. When I hung up my phone from giving the ‘go-ahead’ for the rest of Lilly’s belongings to be picked up, I shuttered as I realized that thoughts were becoming decisions which were forming actions. She was doing well and therefore probably moving to this new home. Tears rose from within, bringing with them memories of other goodbyes and hard transitions. It was difficult to believe that another goodbye was so near.
I have not seen Lilly since a week ago tonight. To say that I miss her would be an understatement. Few words sufficiently describe this type of change in one’s life. As with any other loss, it is ‘time’s’ gift to see that the sun rises and sets each day. Being responsible for that daily task would be much too complicated while carrying such sadness. Yet it is exactly the transition from one day to the next that has helped me move forward in both my grief and healing.
One week later I am ‘living’ into the decision I made for Lilly. Her new home is filled with everything I would have wanted for her and for the people receiving her. I have been blessed to hear from Tom and Terri (the couple who now have Lils) with updates and I can share their delight in being with such a remarkable creature. She is playing with high energy, excited to exercise and be one of a pack again. Her appetite is back and they will watch her carefully to make certain this continues. Her resilience has always been her strength and a good example for all of us.
While Lilly lives into each moment with her new surroundings and friends, I have also been realizing my new-found freedom. I leave my apartment with no worries for Lilly’s sense of security and comfort. I am truly free to sit with friends on a front porch that looks out over miles of mountains or find a quiet corner to read and write. It has been a good week – living into each moment -with this new life and home.
Tonight I prepare for bed grateful for the passing of this week and feeling my spirit lifted. I have known love throughout my life and grace has always been near. This time is no different. Grace has led me here – this far. And grace will lead me on…